I love this man. Why am I not friends with him?
They read our blog!
And by they, I mean the KPop gods that control what SuJu does. They stole my freakin’ fantasy (and by my I mean our, because it was Tatum’s idea after all). Bitches.
Oh Titrit, now you’re revealing our secret thoughts to the internets. I want in.
1. I think it’d be ridiculously fun to raise children with either Siwon or Minho (of SHINee fame). I’m not even talking about conceiving children or anything of that ilk, rather just how much fun it would be to take of children with them! Think more Hello Baby! style than anything else. Seriously, have you seen Minho with Yoogeun or Siwon in the later episodes of Oh My Lady? Adorable, oh man, so freaking adorable.
2. Well, Donghae cries whenever he gets emotional, yes? (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out: x x x The last one’s my favorite. Also, I know he cries when talking about his father, but that’s for a decidedly more serious reason and definitely deserves respect.) Well, perhaps, maybe, possibly, I, Tatum, have a tendency to tear up when looking at clouds. So I think it would be really lovely to to sit next to Donghae on a bench somewhere and get all teary-eyed and sappy together because the clouds are so gorgeous.
So here are two of my biggest fantasies about boy bands. And don’t think I’m about to be dirty, because I am not.
Credit for this fantasy goes all to Tatum, who is brillant.
A new idol TV show: Super Junior (although I wouldn’t say no to Shinee, or U-Kiss or Dalmatian, or 2PM or… okay you get the point) takes care of two American women (similar in age to the idols) before and after significant but not major surgery. (Have you heard this one? Minor surgery is surgery someone else is having. Ha. Anyway…) It’s a cultural exchange + learning about medicine + taking care of people all wrapped up into one big, painkiller-fueled healing fest. Eh?
For example, we’re we to go with Super Junior for this show, Siwon or Kangin could carry the patients around, Wookie could cook for them, Sungmin or Donghae could provide emotional support through cuddling, Yesung could distraction from pain with his turtles, Kyuhyun could provide gaming related distractions, Leeteuk and Heechul could be hard asses when needed, Shindong and Eunhyuk could provide physical therapy through dance, Zhoumi could find something fashionable to do with that brace and Henry could translate. It would be beautiful…
Cooking with idols. Okay, here I am perhaps more picky than the previous fantasy. I would really like to cook with Wookie, Manly, Key or Changmin from 2AM. Although mostly Wookie. I really do love a man who can cook, and I really love cooking. And I like that Wookie a little bit seems like a bossy in control bitch in the kitchen (just like me!) Gah. I can hardly contain myself just thinking about it.
Sometimes I feel bad for loving you so much. But then I remember that I legitimately enjoy the music. And here is my evidence. I love collecting (and by collecting I mean noting) tiny bits of songs that I love so much I want to rub the music on my face. (I really love to rub things on my face, both literally and figurative, what can I say?) Here is my first set of examples for you:
No Other @2:11
Let’s Not @1:17
Why I Like You @0:29
Love U More @2:28
It’s You @3:28 (okay all of Yesung’s wailing really)
Home Run @1:30
Lover Cop @0:47
I love this game! Does anyone have some examples for me?
So I’m sure you’re aware of the knot puns that Mr Simple has inspired, like the following:
But last night as I was headed for bed, something happened. Mr Simple was playing through my brain on repeat and as I thought about it, I realized that “I Naughty” almost sounded like “Inati” of Dalmatian fame. (Mind you, I was quite tired and muddled by this point.) So then I began pondering why SuJu was Mr Simple because Inati was naughty.
Get it? Because I naughty naughty —> Because Inati naughty? No? Fine.
Yeah… DayDay doesn’t approve either:
My love for you cannot at this moment be contained by syllables and rhymes (not that I am in any way degrading the love expressed by any of Tatum’s or my more structured poems). So here is my prose poem for you. Made poetic only by my love.
Zhoumi, why are we not friends? I cannot understand. Sometimes I think it might be because you so often wear glasses-without-the-glass. But then I remember: you seem to be a normal person. And I return to my confusion. You see, your sparkly eyes and long legs attract me, Gentleman Mimi. But I am truly captivated because you can talk to a woman without acting like a child or a creep.
I love you,
Dear Heechul, Siwon, Kangin, and Henry
Well sheesh, I didn’t realize Titrit would get her poems all finished so quickly. Not wanting the remaining SuJu members to feel left out, I set to work on theirs. Here, mostly in quatrain form, I present theirs.
Your top hat reminds me of Willy Wonka,
as does your different swirly font.
Your pose is considerably nonchalant.
KPop is becoming a world-wide lingua franca.
I’m liking this style of hair you’re rocking,
You actually get a sonnet.
The first thing I said when I saw you was “Those shorts!”
To which I received a couple reports
of how very wrong I was about those green briefs,
and which make me question this album’s motifs.
Then there’s your matching shoes and socks,
which made me shout, “This outfit rocks!”
Titrit vehemently sighed and disagreed
but I daresay I refused to concede!
I do have to question the helmet on the ground:
If ‘ubersexual’ is the theme then what are you trying to expound?
Perhaps SuJu agrees that instruments of violence
sometimes encourage the opposite of abstinence?
Lastly, I just want to say that you’re looking exquisite
and if I continue to stare I’ll become illiterate.
A fan who’s feeling the need to fan herself,
I miss you something terrible,
but I do think the reason you’re gone is a parable:
Please make sure that next time you decide
to barfight, keep me by your side.
(Also, I think for this album we could have found you something wearable,
and I think you should know that I find you incomparable.)
I think you’re such a badass when you play the violin,
and I love how your eyes squish when you smile,
and oh geez, you’re so versatile!
Be sure you don’t spread yourself too thin!
Oh Super Junior
I owe some of your members some haikus.
I have a bone to pick with you (in haiku form) over this picture
Sir, your pants* make me
*Pants loosely defined.
P.S. I still love your face and by face I mean you.
Some stylist hates you or
So wants you in drag.
Now for you Kibum, despite the fact that you are apparently not so much working with Super Junior anymore.
Kibum- I’m not sure
About your acting career.
Killer smile though.
And Hangeng. I loved you in Super Junior and I love you post Super Junior.
I love your music,
and your hip thrusts in Don’t Don.
Hope you are not sad.
Sincerely and lovingly,
Now to you all-
Dear boys, I am excited for your new album. But as a person who likely has much more thrift store shopping experience than you, I have some advice: just because it almost fits and is a fun color, does not mean you should buy it.
P.S. Can someone please find Siwon a shirt and/or pants?